How is everyone on Love Island so attractive? Why aren’t they ever sunburnt or hungover, even though all they do is drink and gossip while laying next to a pool they never swim in? Why is their makeup room so disgustingly filthy? These are the things I wonder about while watching this overflowing toilet of a dating competition. What I never wonder, not even once, is why the very most beautiful British contestants don’t just pair up, win the show, and create a super baby. Tinastasia the fitness influencer from Liverpool might initially fall for Trad, an underwear model from Cardiff, but she will always end up with Mike, the shortest and softest guy in the villa, who works in marketing or whatever. The reason for this? The. Banter. You’ll hear Tinastasia having a heart to heart with the other birds, saying “Trad is SO fit, but I just don’t feel anything ‘tween us. I’m bored wif him, bein honest. Mike has great bantz’ and right from crackin on wif me he just made me laugh. I can just be meself around ‘im, y’know?”
It’s always going to be Mike, or what Mike represents, because making someone laugh, engaging their mind, forming a connection; these make a person interesting below the surface. These are the things that create a relationship. We all just want to know and be known in return. If you need a little help on your bantz, we’re here for you. So crack on, lads!