May 25, 2021

Introducing: Your Least Favorite Things

Even when your dating life is going great (lol), there are probably still aspects that you truly despise. Not me, a disembodied voice, nor the power of KEYS can save you from your least favorite dating chores. The best I can do is to tackle them, one at a time, and hopefully make them a little easier for you. I asked a focus group of friends and coworkers what their least favorite things about dating are. A few respond “everything,” with a mournful look in their eye, and some had incredibly specific things that they dislike enough to prevent them from seriously pursuing connections. Chances are, you’ll share at least one Least Favorite Thing. 


Least Fave #1 Meeting Up In Person (for the first time)

According to my focus group, this will can end a potential courtship, even if they really like the other person. It can be hard to bring things into the real world. Face to face is so different from screen to screen. It’s not predictable; if there’s a lapse in conversation, you can’t go do whatever you want while you wait. Instead, you could be trapped in a truly excruciatingly awkward silence. What if you’re not as attracted to them IRL? What if you do actually like them in person, and then they bail after that? I get it, it can be really tempting to cancel plans for a meet up. But if you like this person, and they want to meet you, it’s probably a good idea to give it a shot. Here’s 3 tips to help you dread it a little less: 


  1. Plan something you actually like doing

If meeting up for a dressed up dinner with an almost-stranger is your idea of hell, ask to plan the date, and invite them to do something you look forward to doing; go antiquing, day drink at a lake, go for a bike ride. Anything you would want to do anyway, with or without them. It can also be a great way to share some interests without just listing them over expensive cocktails (unless expensive cocktails are part of your interests, in which case, cheers).  


  1. Make sure you feel safe

Are you cancelling because you’re nervous about being alone with this person, because you don’t feel like you know them well enough or you wonder if they’ve been telling the truth in your online chats? This is smart. If you feel nervous, trust your intuition. Spend more time talking, and try a video or phone chat if you haven’t yet. It’s much easier to get a read on a person and your chemistry with them by seeing their face or even just hearing their voice. 


  1. Give yourself an out

If you’re dreading a date, afraid it will be awkward or boring or socially draining, give yourself a grace exit. It’s a classic TV trope, but having a friend call you check up on you “with something important” could probably still work. Or just make plans with that friend for right after your date, and let that person know up front when you have to leave.


Or, if you really just don’t want to go on dates, maybe take a step back and stop dating for a while. Do you. If you are serious about dating, work to make the meet-up happen. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you meet face-to-face you might be able to put your face on their face, and that’s pretty cool.


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