January 12, 2021

Listen to understand, not to respond

This will get you SO FAR in life. It’s also one of the openers under the WISE intent in the keyboard, so you know it’s good. This advice has been said in so many ways by so many different people, but, in the dating world, it boils down to this: if you want to be interesting, be interested. Not just interested like “oh I’m interested in this person,” but really curious about them. One of the great things about dating apps is that people have a profile with pictures and info about themselves, which makes it super easy to get the convo started by asking about literally anything in the profile. If you’re not convinced, imagine this: you match with someone you’re excited about, but they have other, possibly more attractive matches, so they don’t do anything. Then you ask about that one photo of them and their friends, and they get to tell the story about how it was the best night, how they went to a rooftop bar and got glass in their flip flop because everyone was cheersing so hard, how they witnessed their friend drink two pints of Guinness in one breath (as terrifying as it sounds), and how they ended up sneaking onto a bank rooftop to close the night. 

All of a sudden, you are the match they’re talking to the most, because instead of trying cheesy one-liners or talking about yourself, you made an effort to learn about your match.

I understand why this is a hard idea to get behind though; dating apps are inherently competitive mediums, and the pressure is always on to be more engaging, more attractive, more entertaining so that you can stand out from the masses. But I promise you, you will get to talk about yourself eventually, but taking time to show your actual genuine interest in a person will open doors you never imagined.


Bottom line: pretty much what the title says

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