One of the benefits of being a user-focused platform rather than a product-focused platform is that we interface with our users all the time. Thankfully we hear a lot about our users’ experience with the App, but we hear even more about our users’ experiences out there in the weird world of online dating. And over time, we’ve noticed that there are certain patterns and trends that are upsetting to almost everyone.
Some of these trends have become so common in today’s online dating culture that, even though they are ruining our experience, we perpetuate them without even knowing it. I call these trends the Seven Deadly Sins, and today I encourage you to avoid them at all costs.
- Cheesy compliments. As a general rule, people hate receiving overused compliments. Don’t comment on someone’s body or looks; they hear that all the time. Don’t be overly effusive in your praise; you barely know them. People can smell a disingenuous compliment from a mile away, and they can’t stand when someone is being fake. Tip: Compliments go a long way when they are authentic and unique. Find something interesting you actually appreciate the person you’re talking to, and compliment them genuinely.
- Boring questions. How’s it going? How was your weekend? What’s up? Come on y’all, we can all do better than this. More often than not, we don’t ask uninteresting questions because we are uninterested in the other person; we ask uninteresting questions because we are being lazy. Tip: Start by asking detailed questions about the other person’s life, daily activities, work, hobbies, family, or goals. People love to talk about themselves, and everyone has something interesting to say. We just have to give them the opportunity.
- Boring responses. What is worse than a boring question? A boring (and short) response. Doing good how bout you? Thanks you too! Oh that’s cool. Really? Could you make yourself seem any less interested? Nobody cares that you are “bad at texting” or “never check your phone,” so that excuse won’t work. Tip: Online dating takes effort! There is no way around it. If you want someone to spend their time on you, you’ve got to show them that you’re willing to put in more than the bare minimum with your responses.
- Taking forever to respond. This is one I hear about from my personal Coaching clients every single day. Why do they always take 5 hours to reply? How hard is it to send a text? Nobody is that busy. And my clients who lament the phenomenon are completely right. Again, nobody cares that you are “bad at texting” or “never check your phone.” Tip: If you are working or won’t be able to reply for a long time, just tell the person “hey, I’ll be busy for the next several hours but will message you after!” How hard was that?
- Love-bombing. For those of you who are unaware, love-bombing is the process of inundating a person with affection, affection, and kind gestures right off the bat. We get so excited about them that we just can’t stop telling them how much we like them. As a former love-bomber, I can tell you that this never works; 98% of people find it to be completely overwhelming and unattractive. Tip: take it slow. If they’re the right person for you, you’ll have plenty of opportunities over time to show them how much you care about them.
- Untimely sexual comments. At Keys, we are fans of respectful flirtation and joking around, even if sometimes it pushes the boundaries. However, we do not condone aggressive sexual comments or any type of sexting. We hear constantly what a turn-off it is for most people. There is a time and place for overt sexual flirtation, but that time and place is NOT in the beginning of getting to know someone. Tip: bottom line, don’t do it.
- Mind games. As our CEO Taylor likes to say, “It’s 2021, the game is dead!” We’re all adults and we all want the same things, so there is no reason we should be messing with each other psychologically. Examples of games that nobody should be playing: taking forever to respond, being hot and cold, giving backhanded compliments, playing hard to get, leading someone on, et cetera. Tip: Even if it appears the other person is playing games with you, rise above it. Be honest, be authentic, and state your intentions clearly. If they can’t get on the same page, move on.
Questions? Reach out to us any time.
Kevin from the Keys Team
Professional Dating & Relationship Coach