March 29, 2021

What Is Your Attachment Style?

In relational psychology, your attachment style reveals how you attach to a romantic partner; essentially, how you behave, interact, and how close they feel comfortable being. There are three primary attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, and Secure. (There is technically a fourth called Anxious-Avoidant, but it comprises such a negligible portion of the population that we are going to focus on the main three for now). 

The bad news is that your attachment style was already determined for you many years ago, by the way your mother/father/caregiver interacted with you and fulfilled your physical/emotional needs when you were a baby. The good news is that if you can understand what your attachment style is right now and become aware of how it shows up in your romantic relationships, then you can become a better communicator and more securely attached person. If you don’t already know which of these categories you fall into, figure it out now; this awareness will work wonders for your dating life. 

Anxious Attachment: an anxiously-attached person has a very high need for closeness & connectedness in the relationship. They require a lot of attention and affection and worry a lot about their relationships. Telltale signs: 

  • Highly perceptive, sensitive to their partner's needs and moods
  • Want to spend a lot of time with their partner 
  • Want to communicate very frequently
  • Tend to get attached quickly
  • Feel very concerned when conflicts arise in relationships 

Avoidant Attachment: an avoidant person tends to suppress their need for emotional intimacy needs and pushes partners away from them. They are not a fan of closeness. Telltale signs: 

  • When someone gets too close, they get scared and feel the need to create distance
  • Tend to sleep with partners too soon, then lose interest 
  • Blow up and get angry or clam up and say nothing during conflicts
  • Pride themselves on being independent 
  • Communicate poorly and infrequently  

Secure attachment: a securely-attached person has a high need for emotional intimacy, is an excellent communicator, and knows how to choose good partners. Telltale signs: 

  • Say what they are feeling and ask for what they need 
  • Stay calm and gentle in situations of conflict 
  • Very confident in themselves and the relationship
  • Trustworthy and honest 
  • Consistently receptive, responsive, and reliable 

If you need deciphering your Attachment Style, feel free to reach out to us any time. 

Kevin from the Keys Team 

Professional Dating & Relationship Coach

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